ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's always time for handjobs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
