it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
