Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
