Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
