she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
