i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
