I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
