Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
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I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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