It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
