New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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