if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
