this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.