end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."