his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.