And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?