I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx