Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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