It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
