that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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