69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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