I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
