Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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