I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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