Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You're like the curious george of whores
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
