well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
