I don't think brook has ever known best
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
