I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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