who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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