Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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