a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
