I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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