she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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