I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
