Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
