worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize