apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
