Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
