its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
