Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize