I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
