Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
