I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
