I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
