And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
