apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
