i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
