I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
