he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
