Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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