The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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