Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
