Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
