some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
