Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
