Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Never underestimate the power of titties
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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