Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My bed smells like the plague
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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