some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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