how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
