I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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