She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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