People with herpes should wear stickers.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
