Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
