:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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