I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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