sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
